Friday, December 20, 2013

heart burning & pain in my chest.

i know it's late.
it's about 1:05 am.
and i should be in really deep sleep but i was here
taking my laptop instead of sleeping. writting.
about you. yeah you.

i know you probably asleep but..
i would do absolutely anyting right now yo be able to snuggle up next to you, bury my head in your chest and interlock my fingers with yours. 

I swear to God there is no where else i want to be right now but you and it's not fair that i'm thinking of you and you probably haven't even thought of me at all. but it's late and i have to be up soon. 

and i wish you were here.

i love you

Thursday, December 19, 2013

i love you because you held my hand when i was about to crumble, and somehow that held me together. i love you because when i am with you, i am whole.
i love you for your determination and your clear head. i love you for preventing me from hating myself for holding you back. i love you for having the strength to wriggle ouy of my grasp just before i suffocated you. and someday, years from now, i will hear through a friend of a friend that you're out there, changing the world, doing amazing great things and i will smile.

Everything i wanted him to know

We simply fit together
Like a piece of apple pie
I will be vanilla ice cream
And I'll sing you lullabies
I will love you in the moonlight
And I'll love in the day, always
I love the time we spend
Like a watch from an old friend
I will help you keep your smile
Promise me you'll stay awhile
I will come to you in need
And I'll help you when I can, when I can
Stay with me
Promise me you're never gonna leave
Stay with me
Let's try to be the best that we can be
And take our time
We always joke together
Laugh 'til we're rolling on the floor
I like the way you dance around
When you're running for the door
I will come to visit you even
When we're old and gray, always
I love the way you make me feel
When you're asleep, I'll take the wheel
Make sure to call when you get home
When you're driving on the road
I will come to you in need
And I'll help you when I can, when I can
So stay with me
Promise me you're never gonna leave
Stay with me
Let's try to be the best that we can be
And take our time
I will come to you in need
And I'll love you when I can
I'll love you when I can
I'll come to you in need
And I'll love you when I can
I'll love you when I can, always
Stay with me
Promise me you're never gonna leave
Stay with me
Let's try to be the best that we can be
And take our time

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

it's been a while.

it's been over a year (i guess) since the last time i write. and i'm not good at it, i don't even know what i'm going to write here, it happens to be "awkward" is my inspiration to write, me as Jenna. but i always failed to write a blog everyday for what happened in that day, ugh i guess i still a bit lazy to do that but i'm hoping soon i'll write everyday not like i have someone that cares about me doing this but okay, so i'll just tell you a story then..

i've been dating this guy i can't say for a long time because it doesnt, ahaa shame on me. it lasted just about a couple months i guess, i don't know what happened to it. i clearly don't, or even the reason why i'm breaking up with him. but there's just something about him that i can not stand it, being with him just wasn't right, but i'm not regreting anything with him ah well maybe i am , but truth is i don't wanna be. he just that guy, you know.. kind of mysterious that you can't get enough of, i always that curious about him. there's just something about him that made me addicted to him, he such a nice guy but something about him made me wants to punch a walls. sometimes i cant figure him out, he seems to be distant himself from me or whatever i don't know, he was never open to me while i'm such an open book and there's come the point where i'm tired figuring him out when he doesn't even try to know me as well. damn you. such a waste of time.
we broke up and you don't know how much i wanted us to stay friends, no you don't. i guess it was my fault since i  never give him enough or valid reason why we broke up but oh my fucking god when will you realize that you once meant something to me that it just sad that now you're gone. good luck with everything.

one other mistake i just made is being so close with his bestfriend. waaaaaayyyyyy too close. and i felt sorry for him i really do, i was wrong at this but one more time. i couldn't regret being close to him. you tried so little to be with him, you can be the most "you" you could possibly be when you're with them, that's what i feel. because every conversation every things we do together it just happens, it just flow like that you don't try to impress him or anything, you just being you or its more like its me being me. i wrote a things about what's wrong and right and he's on the both side. from what i know, he's got something that scare the hell out of me, like he's so smart, he could just make a fool of it faking and pretending about this, about liking me, loving me, because i would do a crazy things like believing it because i do now. oh my god i if i could scream on his face like freakin say that "stop smiling" because his smile is discrtacting me like omg stopppp can u not :( he say the right thing and do the right thing, i could just assume that he really do likes me but still don't think so but i do but i dont but i do but aahhhh :( someone please just take me out from this situation. you know what else that made him so attractive is that he loves to play with my brothers and it show the good side of him, and we argue a lot of things like what's good / what's bad, what food i like and i don't and what he like that i don't that made him looks smart when he's trying to point something or to explain something when in reality he do smart and i don't hahahahahahahaha ugh no. i never feel safer in someone's company in a long time, not until now. i feel safe with him or it just me??? i don't know i'm not good at this. i know it is too soon, but i love you.  i see this perfect person and then there's me, this werid crazy person with all these problems and i don't see how you chose me but please just stay. buuuutttt, damn boy are you liquid eyeliner because i'm pretty sure i'm gonna fuck this up................... bye

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Thursday, January 12, 2012

You can't call me and tell me that you miss me. I don't want to have that conversation on the phone. . . . If you really miss me, you need to grow up and get in your car and come see me.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

it's sems when you want someone, they dont want you.
and when someone want you, you dont want them. 
and when you both want each other 
something has to come around and mess it up .. 

July, 16, 2011

would you notice if i won't around anymore?
just tell her the three words every women wants to hear ; "I WAS WRONG"
it sucks when you miss that person so much that you look through old photos. old text messages, even old statuses. And it brings a smile to your face, but then the hurts comes back and you know you shuldnt looking back, but you can't help it because they really ment something to you and you thought it would of lasted.

Friday, June 10, 2011

that awkward moment when im talking to my ex, and feeling so happy he still remember what we've been through before, until the feelings come back. well ya know it just not make any  sense, at all.12

Tuesday, June 7, 2011


boy: I broke up with her. his best friend: What happened? Boy: She’s just too much for me. His Best Friend: What makes you say that? What did she do wrong? Boy: Well, for one.. She only cared about her appearance. Always had to look good, always took forever to get dressed! So insecure.. His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she wanted to keep your eyes locked on her? She wanted you to see that you have the prettiest girl under your sleeve and not think otherwise? I see.. Boy: Oh.. Well.. She’d often call me or text me asking where I am, who I’m with, telling me not to smoke, not to drink. She’s so clingy! His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she cares about your well being? Because she cares about you a lot? And her greatest fear is losing you. I see.. Boy: But.. Uhh.. Well, she’d always cry when I say something slightly mean. She can’t handle anything. She’s a crybaby! His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she has feelings? And because she just wanted to hear you say you love her? I see.. Boy: I.. Well! You know, she’d get jealous easily. I could barely talk to other girls! She’s so annoying! I had to hide it from her so she wouldn’t bitch about it. His Best Friend: So, you broke her heart because she just wanted you to commit to her? She thought you were faithful, but you lied so she could find out later and hurt even more? She just wanted the guy she loves the most to love only her. I see.. Boy: Well, she..  His Best Friend: what?! boy: I broke her heart.. Because I couldn’t see what was happening.. What happened to me? His Best Friend: You lost the girl that loved you like no one else could. You see? You didn’t want her when all she ever wanted was you. THAT’S what happened.     ______________________________
_____________________     Think about it, when she’s too much for you.. She just wants the best for you. Because to her YOU’RE the best. If you don’t like something, talk to her about it. You mean so much to her. Don’t just give up. Don’t just leave because you want the easy way out. Ya’ Dig?

You broke up with her because she’s good for you? She just wanted the best for you? She’s broken now because you were selfish. Are you proud?
nothing's permanent, you just have to love it, while you still have it.

The worst moments in life

1)     not getting a text back
2)     " i'm fine. "
3)     cancelled plans.
4)     having a great day, only to hsve it ruined by someone.
5)     burning your taste buds.
6)     feeling sick and tired.
7)     " i'm sorry, what was your name again?"
8)     not getting enough sleep
9)     turning the radio station to the end of a good song.
10)  being ignored by people you care about.
11)  feeling alone in a room full of people
12)  falling on the test you studied so hard for.
13)  crying yourself to sleep.
14)  not being missed
15)  being replaced.
age is just a number. gender its just a body. sexuality is just a label. distance is just amiles. race is just a color. marriage is only paper. religion is just beliefs. looks are only seen. love? love is love. its unexplainable, but when you find it. dont take advantage of it. cherish every moment of it.
i wish that i had
never met you
then there would be no need to impress you. no need to want you. no need for loving you. no need for crying over you. no need for hearts breaks. no need for pain or tears. no need for forgotton promises. no need for crying myself to sleep. no neeed for acting like you care. no need, for everything you've done to make me feel like absolutely nothing  
do you think the memory will become less painful then?
a wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke.
everybody laughs like crazy
after a moment, he cracked in a same joke again.
this time less people laughed.
he cracked the same joke again and again.
when there is no longer in the crowd.
he smiled and said
you can't laugh at the same joke again and again.
but why do you keep crying over the same thing
again and again?

we're  just couple of kids. but we really loved eachother, didn't we? :)