Friday, December 20, 2013

heart burning & pain in my chest.

i know it's late.
it's about 1:05 am.
and i should be in really deep sleep but i was here
taking my laptop instead of sleeping. writting.
about you. yeah you.

i know you probably asleep but..
i would do absolutely anyting right now yo be able to snuggle up next to you, bury my head in your chest and interlock my fingers with yours. 

I swear to God there is no where else i want to be right now but you and it's not fair that i'm thinking of you and you probably haven't even thought of me at all. but it's late and i have to be up soon. 

and i wish you were here.


i love you

Thursday, December 19, 2013

i love you because you held my hand when i was about to crumble, and somehow that held me together. i love you because when i am with you, i am whole.
i love you for your determination and your clear head. i love you for preventing me from hating myself for holding you back. i love you for having the strength to wriggle ouy of my grasp just before i suffocated you. and someday, years from now, i will hear through a friend of a friend that you're out there, changing the world, doing amazing great things and i will smile.

Everything i wanted him to know


We simply fit together
Like a piece of apple pie
I will be vanilla ice cream
And I'll sing you lullabies
I will love you in the moonlight
And I'll love in the day, always
I love the time we spend
Like a watch from an old friend
I will help you keep your smile
Promise me you'll stay awhile
I will come to you in need
And I'll help you when I can, when I can
Stay with me
Promise me you're never gonna leave
Stay with me
Let's try to be the best that we can be
And take our time
We always joke together
Laugh 'til we're rolling on the floor
I like the way you dance around
When you're running for the door
I will come to visit you even
When we're old and gray, always
I love the way you make me feel
When you're asleep, I'll take the wheel
Make sure to call when you get home
When you're driving on the road
I will come to you in need
And I'll help you when I can, when I can
So stay with me
Promise me you're never gonna leave
Stay with me
Let's try to be the best that we can be
And take our time
I will come to you in need
And I'll love you when I can
I'll love you when I can
I'll come to you in need
And I'll love you when I can
I'll love you when I can, always
Stay with me
Promise me you're never gonna leave
Stay with me
Let's try to be the best that we can be
And take our time


Wednesday, December 18, 2013

it's been a while.

it's been over a year (i guess) since the last time i write. and i'm not good at it, i don't even know what i'm going to write here, it happens to be "awkward" is my inspiration to write, me as Jenna. but i always failed to write a blog everyday for what happened in that day, ugh i guess i still a bit lazy to do that but i'm hoping soon i'll write everyday not like i have someone that cares about me doing this but okay, so i'll just tell you a story then..


i've been dating this guy i can't say for a long time because it doesnt, ahaa shame on me. it lasted just about a couple months i guess, i don't know what happened to it. i clearly don't, or even the reason why i'm breaking up with him. but there's just something about him that i can not stand it, being with him just wasn't right, but i'm not regreting anything with him ah well maybe i am , but truth is i don't wanna be. he just that guy, you know.. kind of mysterious that you can't get enough of, i always that curious about him. there's just something about him that made me addicted to him, he such a nice guy but something about him made me wants to punch a walls. sometimes i cant figure him out, he seems to be distant himself from me or whatever i don't know, he was never open to me while i'm such an open book and there's come the point where i'm tired figuring him out when he doesn't even try to know me as well. damn you. such a waste of time.
we broke up and you don't know how much i wanted us to stay friends, no you don't. i guess it was my fault since i  never give him enough or valid reason why we broke up but oh my fucking god when will you realize that you once meant something to me that it just sad that now you're gone. good luck with everything.

one other mistake i just made is being so close with his bestfriend. waaaaaayyyyyy too close. and i felt sorry for him i really do, i was wrong at this but one more time. i couldn't regret being close to him. you tried so little to be with him, you can be the most "you" you could possibly be when you're with them, that's what i feel. because every conversation every things we do together it just happens, it just flow like that you don't try to impress him or anything, you just being you or its more like its me being me. i wrote a things about what's wrong and right and he's on the both side. from what i know, he's got something that scare the hell out of me, like he's so smart, he could just make a fool of it faking and pretending about this, about liking me, loving me, because i would do a crazy things like believing it because i do now. oh my god i if i could scream on his face like freakin say that "stop smiling" because his smile is discrtacting me like omg stopppp can u not :( he say the right thing and do the right thing, i could just assume that he really do likes me but still don't think so but i do but i dont but i do but aahhhh :( someone please just take me out from this situation. you know what else that made him so attractive is that he loves to play with my brothers and it show the good side of him, and we argue a lot of things like what's good / what's bad, what food i like and i don't and what he like that i don't that made him looks smart when he's trying to point something or to explain something when in reality he do smart and i don't hahahahahahahaha ugh no. i never feel safer in someone's company in a long time, not until now. i feel safe with him or it just me??? i don't know i'm not good at this. i know it is too soon, but i love you.  i see this perfect person and then there's me, this werid crazy person with all these problems and i don't see how you chose me but please just stay. buuuutttt, damn boy are you liquid eyeliner because i'm pretty sure i'm gonna fuck this up................... bye